Did you experience that teens isolate themselves when they're overwhelmed instead of coming to us with their problems?
How we treated them when they were toddlers?
Did we isolate them when they were overwhelmed, as we wanted to manage their behaviours instead of helping them with their problems?
When our kids are small and trying to manage emotions - they can't express what they are feeling. They have meltdowns, they scream and they whine
throw tantrums, they throw things, they have meltdowns. This is their way of communicating with us. We need to listen. They need help to organize process and express their feelings in a healthy way.
And society tells us we should punish them for this. Send them to their room, put them in timeout, and spank them.
We teach them and train them not to show their emotions. Be quiet! Don't whine. Don't complain. The message to the unconscious is that your feelings are wrong! So they learn not to express their emotions to us because we told them over and over again we didn't want to hear it. For so long they needed to deal with it alone. Alone in their room, their chair, their corner.
And then they turn into teenagers and we expect them to feel safe talking to us. We expect them to know that NOW it's okay.
We need to shift our approach on parenting and change parenting style. Give our child permission to feel. Let them know their feelings are valid and that you care, no matter how small. Acknowledge, accept so they know that they are heard, and help them to calm down.
If not we risking meltdowns over crayons will turn into breakups, heartbreak, alcoholism, depression. We want to nurture our child, our relationship so they know that we will always hear them, and hold a safe space for them.
#parentingtips#mentalhealth#mindfulness#emotionalintelligence#alkoholism#parentingstyle#behaviouralissues# familysupport #challengingbehaviour#stressfreeparenting
